do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
