Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
