if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
