cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
