That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
