How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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