You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize