I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
