We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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