I seem to have left my pride at pride
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize