Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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