he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
