Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
