I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
