Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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