four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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