I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize