Barsexuality is the new black.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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