xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
