i think my tv is drunk
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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