Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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