i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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