i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
