...so i touched it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
