WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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