haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
