sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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