I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
