He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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