Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
