I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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