every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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