I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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