i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
