i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
