I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So. Much. Porn.
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