I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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