so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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