you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The air was thick with penises
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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