watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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