he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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