she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
