i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
