last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
