I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
