Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
