I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
