how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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