This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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