I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
