If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize