He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
