Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
