I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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