Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
