is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
