So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize