so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Someone shattered a urinal.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
