its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
