You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
