Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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