We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
