Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Randomize
