I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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