Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize