don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you win again, gameday.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
