sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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