I just made out with a guy for $7.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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