he puts the penis in happiness.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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