dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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