i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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