My nipple is on Facebook.
Duck Duck Cougar?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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