Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize