I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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