I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
