Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
