K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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