just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize