Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
