I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
this is an emotional support booty call
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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