I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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