I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
