if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
