You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
