How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
