I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
