Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
me + whiskey = a bad person
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
