Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
