Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize