I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I look better un-naked...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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