oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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