guys are not supposed to queef...right?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
