I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
