oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
