you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think people are normalizing furries
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
