My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
nutella sex= disaster
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
